Thank you all for your answers here, on the poll itself, and for papers like this one. The consensus seems to be settling around 30ms for VOIP with a few interesting outliers and viewpoints.
Something that came up in reading that... that I half remember from my early days of working with VOIP (on asterisk) was that silence suppression (and comfort noise) that did not send any packets was in general worse than sending silence (or comfort noise) - for two reasons - one was nat closures,
but the other was that steady stream also helped control congestion and had less jitter swings.
So in the deployments I was doing then, I universally disabled this feature on the phones I was using then.
In my mind (particularly in a network that is packet (not byte) buffer limited), this showed that point, (to an extreme!)
But my question is now, are we doing silence suppression (not sending packets) on voip nowadays?